How To Pick Up A Tudor

The Tudors essentially inventing flirting. Seriously, they did!

Little known fact: “Can I buy you a drink?” was originally “Can my horse drink from your horses trough?” The next thing you know you are taking a roll in the hay with the sword smith’s son.

Hey pretty lady, I like the way you straddle that beast.

Photo: Jonathan Hession/Showtime

Here are our Top 10 Tudor inspired pick up lines.

10. Want to see my sword?

9. You remind me of my 5th wife.

8. I’ll give you a tongue-lashing you’ll never forget.

7. Your dowry looks much bigger in person!

6. Let’s Fornicate Under the Consent of the King.

5. Your hips look like they could bear me the future king of England.

4. I’d let you polish my crown jewels any day.

3. My castle or yours?

2. Want to go back to my place, have unprotected sex, and bare an illegitimate child?

1. Is that a sword in your sheath, or you just happy to see me?

Would any of these pick up lines get your blood boiling? Leave your own Tudor’s pick up lines in the comments!


  1. headoverheelsjc
    Posted April 16, 2009 at 7:57 pm | Permalink

    Want to play the new game at court?

  2. blergisphere
    Posted April 16, 2009 at 8:04 pm | Permalink

    Hey pretty lady, I like the way you straddle that hourse…

  3. Annie
    Posted April 16, 2009 at 8:09 pm | Permalink

    Wow. #2 just made me choke on my coffee 🙂

  4. yania
    Posted April 16, 2009 at 8:59 pm | Permalink

    i love the smoothness of your bare neck. Care to meet me at the scaffold in the town square?

  5. ooh la la
    Posted April 16, 2009 at 8:59 pm | Permalink

    “Alright love”…”Haven’t seen you round these parts before”…”Fancy a shag”

  6. M-
    Posted April 16, 2009 at 9:29 pm | Permalink

    Want to keep your head? Meet me in the watchtower at midnight.

  7. Pam
    Posted April 16, 2009 at 9:45 pm | Permalink

    I will win you by treay.

  8. Linda
    Posted April 17, 2009 at 2:04 am | Permalink

    What new and fanciful things have you learned at the French Court that you could show me whilst on your knees?

    • Damie
      Posted April 17, 2009 at 9:10 pm | Permalink

      Yes! This one is hysterical Linda.

  9. Brenda
    Posted April 17, 2009 at 2:57 pm | Permalink

    How like you this?

  10. Giada
    Posted April 17, 2009 at 4:39 pm | Permalink

    I call my English Stallion, because I ride him so frequently.

  11. Ely
    Posted April 17, 2009 at 6:49 pm | Permalink

    I just stumbled upon your site today and you 2 are made of awesome.

    Thanks for all the fun.

  12. Posted April 21, 2009 at 12:10 am | Permalink

    I have one….. Want to be the new queen of england?…don’t worry about the last queen i can always charge her with treason.

  13. HezmanaGirl
    Posted April 23, 2009 at 5:30 pm | Permalink

    I can see Henry trying to pick up the kitchen maid by saying..

    ” I noticed how well you scrubbed that floor and I am impressed! Now get to the royal bath chamber and you can do that that to my back.”

One Trackback

  1. By Pick Up A Tudor Part Deux! « Pop Tudors on April 17, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    […] Up A Tudor Part Deux! Due to the overwhelmingly hilarious response the How to Pick Up A Tudor post, we have chosen some of our favorite fan responses. On a scale of 1 to pee-your-knickers, you […]

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